For Sharon LB
written Novermber 28, 1969 (bsn)
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19691128                    Desire                    Joie de Vivre

For Sharon
Everybody has gone to bed now
But I can’t find the tranquility
That will allow my mind to rest.
So I am alone,
Trying to capture a few moments
Of introspective solace.

Well, I’m not really alone;
I have my pipe, my pen
And the harpsicords of Scarlotti
To keep me company.
The fires that laughed earlier in the evening
Is now a guest partner in my solitude
Whispering sighs of love that only the
Glowing embers and myself can understand.
Even the cat, reclining majestically
Oon the pillows at my feet
Has succumbed to the nocturnal sirens
That call upon nature to forget the sorrows
Of the past and come to the misty world of dreams.
Somewhere above the moon,
Its light softly tempered
By the luminescent clouds
Hanging in a field of velvet blackness,
Paints a strange mosaic of
Grey images outside my window.

Sometimes it seems that the night is my only friend.
We have spent many hours together talking about you.

I tell it:
How very beautiful you are;
How your eyes sooth my sorrows;
How your smile comforts my mind;
How your touch caresses my eager body:
How ……..
How very much I love you.
Remember how shy we both were that first night?
Sitting up talking until dawn for fear that in silence
We might think of going to bed?
Or how we used to laugh at and cry
With the hippies who sought but
Couldn’t find the live we knew.
The tortures of loneliness were forgotten
As our bodies were burned by the summer sun
And washed by the waves
As we built sand castles on the beach.
I can still feel the ecstasy of the pain
As we made love that night,
Our flaming bodies coming together
Showing us the pleasures of love.

Oh, yes!
Oh, God yes we loved!
But being too free to care, we forgot
To consider the consequences of falling in love.

Once you cried, wanting me to stay;
But I went away
Fleeing from the love I wanted so badly
But feared would demand more than
I was willing to give.
I deluded myself into feeling that
I didn’t need to love; only to be loved.
Not until we said good-bye through a few
Tears that come too late
Did I feel the power of the love I have for you.
I’m afraid of that power and cringe in
Fear as the screams of the agony of
Unstated longing destroy my sanity.
But still overcome with uncontrollable desire
I subject my entire being to self-imposed torture,
By sitting on a stairway
Or standing in a hallway for hours
Just to catch one second your beauty as you walk by.

Sometimes you stop,
And we talk about your cat,
Or a cup of coffee,
Or marijuana,
Or anything but love.
Painted on my face is a smile,
Hiding the unquenched passion that sears
Through my soul.
I struggle to control the impulse to put
My arms around you,
Feel the tenderness of your body
And touch the warmth of your mind.
I can actually laugh with you while
My mind is wailing and tears
Are flowing through my heart.
I see you smile and shudder in fear
That maybe you are happy, but
Also smile a little myself,
Hoping you are.

Maybe the love we shared for a brief moment
Was stolen from the gods
And they must punish us
For our audacity in expecting that the
Emotions of the heavens can be shared
By mere mortals such as we.

I am not afraid of the gods, Sharon,
Only of you.
I love you.