Index 
For Sharon H
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I occasionally think of love now, Between the moments I spend Playing with a child’s mind. But I would rather not for it Reminds me that I am no longer Have a love to share with another. Instead, I prefer to manipulate My new toy’s mind, Gaining a feeling of impregnable power Over another person. I relish the absolute destruction I can cause By a well-place, Well-timed phrase. And the illusory beauty I can build Through more gentle phrases And more sadistic lies. I accuse her of playing games To convince her of my sincerity; But it is I who is playing games, Morbid games of sadism; Enjoying lifting her up, so I can laugh as she falls And is broken, As I once was broken. |
But being ingeniously cruel enough to Assure continued satiation of my Misdirected desires, I use every wound I inflict As a building stone in my eventual Citadel of complete annihilation Of a poor child who, unfortunately, Happens to be the object of my revenge. Her craving need for love Blindly leads her on to accept Even my tortuous advances, In hope that maybe I am not lying And merely suing her for my own Unfathomable tortures. I could say I regret that such a lonely child Should be my subject of torture, But even that would be a lie; For only such a desperate person Would not see through my games. Thus, my second Sharon, I love you, But not for the reasons you would want. Oh, God, what ever happened To the beauty I used to know? |
Sharon Harter’s Response (in red ink on the same page) Scott, Why Please why. I love you so much. I want you to be with me before I sleep. The aspirins are making me so sick there were so many. My eyes are blurry and I can’t read the labels to see how many the bottle was almost full. Please don’t hate me for this, I want to die. I hope there was enough aspirins so I can. God why can’t love be returned when it’s given? Why, why can’t you love me the way you do Sharon? I love you so much. I wish that I were smart enough for you. I wish that I were then somebody else’s lonely child. Please Love Me. Sharon, Chip and I took a delightful trip to Brownville, Texas trying to get into Mexico in my VW Van. We were headed to buy pot in Mexico, but they didn’t let us in without buying insurance for all the cash we had, good thing, we probably would have been caught with dope we had smoked all the way to Brownsville from Indianapolis. |