For an Actress
written sometime in 1969 (bsn)
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19690000                              Desire

For an Actress
You want more than love
You want the world to bow at your feet,
To bow in admiration
As you pass from success to success.

You want all to love and envy you
As a queen who loves her subjects
Gains a respected love in return.

Expectations are a challenge
A challenge to prove your superiority
To yourself and to the “expectors”
A challenge to be the best.

Without people to surround you
You would be alone and
“Best” has no meaning.

You also live in another world
Where your mind craves to please all
To be liked, to be accepted,
The world of people.

The world of people,
Of love, of mistakes,
Often seems more real than
The superior but cold world
Of self and social expectations.

So you extend your hand
To help those who need help,
To say “I am one of you”
“Let me share your troubles”

And the fires keep burning unseen.
Flames of guilt stab your soul
And blacken your mind.
Guilt from fear that society
Will disavow your purity.
Guilt that stems from self-doubt
Of your true “otherness of superiority”

Torment tears at you mind.
What do I really want?
Who am I?
Why can’t I be completely happy?
And please everybody at the same time?

Don’t be afraid to ask for help