Index 
Laments 1 to 8
Laments for Sharon (cont)
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Lament 9 (Aug 1970) You know, it seems that the only time I feel like writing is when I am lonely. Not lonely in the sense that I have no people to talk to, But in a deeper despair for another mind Which I can explore And which can explore mine. I have shared love before And I tasted its fragrance and beauty. Something or somethings happened And I awoke one morning To find myself alone. Alone I wandered into the open arm of dope, Which seems to blur over The pain I feel from loneliness. Yesterday, or the day before, I can’t remember, You called me. You said you didn’t know why And that you shouldn’t have. But just the idea that the love we shared Is not gone gives me enough enjoyment To keep on living and hoping, That someday you will again say, “I want you”. The telephone call tells me that you too are lonely, But afraid, As I, To admit it to anyone else For fear that the other person will, indeed, Hear your (my) pleas for love. I can’t ignore them, Sharon, For they echo in my mind Every time I hear your voice singing, “I remember that” Or see your eyes, the only eyes in the world That don’t dart away from mine When they meet. But maybe those aren’t Gallop Poll certified Signs of love wanted and needed, Maybe they are just illusions of my desparate mind. If these thoughts that haunt me That you do love me are true, Then please tell me, So that we can love again. But if they are not but illusions, Then at least allow me enough Self-deception to feel That the person I love more than life itself, Also loves me. |
Lament 10 (Aug 24, 1970) You know I can’t always find my emotions, I must be in just the right mood. Maybe it’s because love can be so painful When it can’t be shared. Tonight is one of those special nights though, And I can again feel the love I have for you. It’s been so long since we embraced, But I can still taste the warmth And softness Of your lips; Feel the beauty of your lovely body, And know that the love we felt Can never disappear. Oh God, Don’t let it disappear. I need you: Need you to show me the beauty I once knew, Need to let me show you wonders of the world. Let’s escape the games that surround us, And flee into our own world of love, Where we play games of happiness. I am willing to shed all my masks and shields. So that the world be damned, And While smiling my self Can live to make you laugh. I wish you could smile now, Then maybe I would be able to cry. You see, I have hidden my emotions So carefully, I can’t even do that now. |
Lament 11 (Nov 10, 1970) The evening darkness sweeps over the city early now. For it is now the time when thoughts turn To the night’s future prospects, And it is already quite dark. My thoughts however are far away from tonight right now. Maybe I should be more concerned With my little artificial world, here in town, But I can’t be. I would rather dream dreams about you. So I will. You appear to me with all your splendor Beautifully displayed In your body, your clothes, and your drugs. I looked; I was dazzled, But something was missing. As my eyes adapted to the brightness I began to see behind the shimmering images You work so hard to protect. The colors don’t seem to be so bright now. What I am beginning to see Is a person, Much more beautiful Than any image could ever be. A person who is afraid and wants to cry. One who affects disdain for emotional commitments, But who says she doesn’t like such disdain in people. One who knows pain and happiness Knowing that the happiness Is worth all the pain. A woman who is proud of her beauty, As any woman should be. A child holding on to a world of fun and games Realizing that some games must be forgotten And replaced with ones whose rules Are harder to understand. A mother, Something I will never be able to understand fully; A teacher, A daughter, A catholic; All blending together in a mosaic That I am finding myself in love with. A fascinating mixture of hues, Some dark, some light, Some more colorful than others, Not by choice; But by some force that is pushing Against my restraints Built from loves that somehow Disappeared. I believe you know these chains also, For it is not only my fears that hold us Beyond each other’s reach, But yours as well. Chains take time to wear away, I only hope the gods allow us To be together when they do break. We cannot wait where we are Nor can we predict when once again We will let love be. So let us follow what we are. Most important is that you are a woman Wanting to love and be loved, I am a man, wanting the same. I have the time, do you? |