20040203 (CCC)
Journal: February 3, 2004
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Compassion                            Human Nature                            Jail Time                            War

I played ping pong again today and won. I felt proud and young, in a way re-exerting my youthful dominance at the things I did (that’s why I did them, because I could win). It reminded me of competition and how I now do not like competition because someone loses and if it is me, I hurt my pride and if it is someone else I hurt their pride. Tonight I watched American Idol on TV and think its great appeal is watching the judges destroy the losers, especially the New Zealand judge. The singers are trashed by the judges and the other inmates laugh and clap. I feel terrible for the losers when I watch a football or basketball game and usually root for the losing team, except Purdue, even switching sides during the game as the score changes. Do I really have empathy? – Yes, I think so but I must rid myself of it, but NOT replace it with joy at seeing others hurt. (as I transcribe this in August 7, 2016 I am watching the Olympics and the same ideas are relevant now)